I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
