Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
