Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
