so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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