I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
