I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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