haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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