She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
