Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
