you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
