Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
