I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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