i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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