You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
