and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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