Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
