best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
