Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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