Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
