The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wear drunk well.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
