Please, let me fuck your mom
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
