Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
