wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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