Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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