I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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