Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I CAN MOONWALK!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
