I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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