Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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