I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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