One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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