covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
