Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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