false alarm. still invincible.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
