Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
