Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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