guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
