i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
