Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
