I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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