You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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