I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
