I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
