Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
