Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
