now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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