i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
