"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
