Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
