the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
