her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
