I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
