last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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