I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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