the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
how drunk are you?
Several
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
