you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
