The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
