Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
