The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
