life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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