we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
