I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
