How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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