i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
