I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
